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buddhism
December 2009 
Crossing Boundaries
Posted on Jan 22nd, 2009
by 
Geertje
Geertje
“ …whatever occurs can be regarded as the path and…all things, not just some things, are workable.”
This is a typical teaching by Pema Chödrön, who I have some to see as one of the most authentic spiritual teachers of this time. Her advice is almost always the same; don’t push away your experience. Anything that happens is the source of wisdom. Lean into discomfort.
This all sounds very nice, but what happens when you actually experience discomfort, in the form of pain, fear or doubt. The last thing that’s on your mind by that time is leaning into that jukky stuff. Yet somehow, that place of discomfort, of uncertainty, of unknown territory, is the place of true transformation. However, ‘this is not something they teach you in high school’, as my dear friend Lauren once famously spoke.
Take for example our ideas on setting boundaries. We are very convinced that we should ‘protect ourselves’ and ‘set and keep our boundaries’. It almost seems ridiculous to challenge these ideas, but lately I have been in a situation that tore up all my ideas on ‘protecting myself’. I crossed borders within myself that I never imagined possible, and it was an extremely painful experience. I didn’t watch or respect my boundaries whatsoever.
Then the strangest thing happened. While I thought something within me was damaged beyond repair –which is what we think will happen when we cross our boundaries- to my surprised I noticed that I was fine! Not only was I just fine, I was as whole as ever. This made me realize that a lot of the boundaries we set up for ourselves are connected with our habitual patterns, our convictions, our World According To Me, also known as ego.
Our ego bleeds when we do things we never imaged we would accept. This is a painful experience, yes, but as Pema Chödrön reminds us, as much a part of the path as everything else. I have learned that what hurts us even more that letting our boundaries be crossed, is disconnecting, form ourselves and others. Having set boundaries is a way of separating yourself from others, which I personally find a great source of suffering. The strange thing I found out was that as long as you stay connected, there really is nothing that will hurt anything beyond ego.
I realize that this is a rather unconventional view. I do not want to imply that we all have to be without boundaries and let anything happen to us –since it’s only ego hurting. As with all things, some wisdom, some sort of intelligent view is necessary. But, next time you hear that voice within you saying “ this is enough! don’t go any further or I will be in pain” you might want to consider Pema Chödrön's words of leaning into the discomfort to see what happens next. You may find, like I did, that you rather have your “ego’s ego” bruised, and not lose the connection with what is happening. You might just find transformation beyond that painful spot.
stay connected,
Geertje
This is a typical teaching by Pema Chödrön, who I have some to see as one of the most authentic spiritual teachers of this time. Her advice is almost always the same; don’t push away your experience. Anything that happens is the source of wisdom. Lean into discomfort.
This all sounds very nice, but what happens when you actually experience discomfort, in the form of pain, fear or doubt. The last thing that’s on your mind by that time is leaning into that jukky stuff. Yet somehow, that place of discomfort, of uncertainty, of unknown territory, is the place of true transformation. However, ‘this is not something they teach you in high school’, as my dear friend Lauren once famously spoke.
Take for example our ideas on setting boundaries. We are very convinced that we should ‘protect ourselves’ and ‘set and keep our boundaries’. It almost seems ridiculous to challenge these ideas, but lately I have been in a situation that tore up all my ideas on ‘protecting myself’. I crossed borders within myself that I never imagined possible, and it was an extremely painful experience. I didn’t watch or respect my boundaries whatsoever.
Then the strangest thing happened. While I thought something within me was damaged beyond repair –which is what we think will happen when we cross our boundaries- to my surprised I noticed that I was fine! Not only was I just fine, I was as whole as ever. This made me realize that a lot of the boundaries we set up for ourselves are connected with our habitual patterns, our convictions, our World According To Me, also known as ego.
Our ego bleeds when we do things we never imaged we would accept. This is a painful experience, yes, but as Pema Chödrön reminds us, as much a part of the path as everything else. I have learned that what hurts us even more that letting our boundaries be crossed, is disconnecting, form ourselves and others. Having set boundaries is a way of separating yourself from others, which I personally find a great source of suffering. The strange thing I found out was that as long as you stay connected, there really is nothing that will hurt anything beyond ego.
I realize that this is a rather unconventional view. I do not want to imply that we all have to be without boundaries and let anything happen to us –since it’s only ego hurting. As with all things, some wisdom, some sort of intelligent view is necessary. But, next time you hear that voice within you saying “ this is enough! don’t go any further or I will be in pain” you might want to consider Pema Chödrön's words of leaning into the discomfort to see what happens next. You may find, like I did, that you rather have your “ego’s ego” bruised, and not lose the connection with what is happening. You might just find transformation beyond that painful spot.
stay connected,
Geertje
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