First up, I want to wish everyone a happy new year. I hope you enjoyed your holidays. I certainly enjoyed the way I entered the new year, when I found myself in an unsuspected gathering –isn’t this always the case with New Year parties?- of wonderful women. On the morning of New Years Eve, I took some time to rewind this last year for me. What were the gifts that I received that I would like to pass on, into the New Year and onto others?

Then I remembered sitting at the table of one of my dearest friends, talking about some situation I faced. Instead of giving me instructions on how to ‘get myself together’, she said something to me that I will never forget: “Geertje, you’re 25. You are supposed to fuck up. I give you permission!” Looking back, I didn’t know if I laughed harder than I cried, but either way, it was one of the best gifts in 2008.

Therefore I decided that I would give the women at the New Year’s party the same gift: permission to do things we usually don’t allow ourselves, like taking naps during the day, not knowing, shamelessly enjoying… I figured that since we have a hard time giving ourselves permission for things like this, we should give each other permission! I made pocket size –laminated- cards that said, “I give you permission in 2009 to…” on one side, and the thing that was given permission for on the other. This way you could take your card with you, or pass it on or leave it in the bus, train or yoga studio. How wonderful to find a card that gives you permission to sleep late, shamelessly?

So this is the same gift from me to you for 2009. Hereby I give you permission to:

-    Be late
-    Make noise
-    Do something badly
-    Forgive yourself
-    Do things without any predefined purpose, to wander
-    Not know.

May you be happy in 2009!

Namaste,
Geertje

I was laughing out loud yesterday in my car while listening to a dharma talk by one of my favourite Buddhist teachers, Sakyong Mipham, talking about the question he is asked regularly: "So tell me: does this meditation thing really work?"

"No, it doesn't." He replied. "What do you think I'm going to say? Tibetans are very practical people, so they spend 25 years in freezing caves only to come out and say, `'nope. doesn't work!"" It would be an odd job description of a Buddhist teacher like Sakyong Mipham to -in his own words- learn people something that is extremely boring, time consuming, painful even -"which by the way, doesn't work." :D

I recognise this hesitation around meditation. It is even daunting for myself sometimes to believe that I'm doing something essential while sitting on my cushion. Maybe it's because the actual looks of someone sitting in a crossed legged meditation is deceiving. It all looks so unreal, so boring, so simple and peaceful at best. What we tend to forget is that there is more activity that you can imagine going on inside. The meditator is looking at her mind, becoming aware of all the stuff there. It is the warriors discipline.

I have come to think of meditation as part of my personal hygiene, not as something 'spiritual' I do. In fact, it's probably one of the most earthy and grounded routines I have. Like I don't forget to brush my teeth, I don't forget to meditate because otherwise I will feel the plaque in my mind whole day.

Which isn't to say that I'm a perfect meditator, who rises peacefully out of my meditation practice and then goes on planting seeds of peace in the world. Hell no. But, it does give me some space to consciously orient my mind towards the things I want to cultivate. It's very simple. Do I want to cultivate speed or contentment today? Will I strenghten the ability to appreciate my life or will I tighten my mind in ball around "getting what I want"? Do I want live my life awake or asleep? To me, the answer is simple.

Love,

Geertje 

“ …whatever occurs can be regarded as the path and…all things, not just some things, are workable.”

This is a typical teaching by Pema Chödrön, who I have some to see as one of the most authentic spiritual teachers of this time. Her advice is almost always the same; don’t push away your experience. Anything that happens is the source of wisdom. Lean into discomfort.

This all sounds very nice, but what happens when you actually experience discomfort, in the form of pain, fear or doubt. The last thing that’s on your mind by that time is leaning into that jukky stuff. Yet somehow, that place of discomfort, of uncertainty, of unknown territory, is the place of true transformation. However, ‘this is not something they teach you in high school’, as my dear friend Lauren once famously spoke.

Take for example our ideas on setting boundaries. We are very convinced that we should ‘protect ourselves’ and ‘set and keep our boundaries’. It almost seems ridiculous to challenge these ideas, but lately I have been in a situation that tore up all my ideas on ‘protecting myself’. I crossed borders within myself that I never imagined possible, and it was an extremely painful experience. I didn’t watch or respect my boundaries whatsoever.

Then the strangest thing happened. While I thought something within me was damaged beyond repair –which is what we think will happen when we cross our boundaries- to my surprised I noticed that I was fine! Not only was I just fine, I was as whole as ever. This made me realize that a lot of the boundaries we set up for ourselves are connected with our habitual patterns, our convictions, our World According To Me, also known as ego.

Our ego bleeds when we do things we never imaged we would accept. This is a painful experience, yes, but as Pema Chödrön reminds us, as much a part of the path as everything else. I have learned that what hurts us even more that letting our boundaries be crossed, is disconnecting, form ourselves and others. Having set boundaries is a way of separating yourself from others, which I personally find a great source of suffering. The strange thing I found out was that as long as you stay connected, there really is nothing that will hurt anything beyond ego.

I realize that this is a rather unconventional view. I do not want to imply that we all have to be without boundaries and let anything happen to us –since it’s only ego hurting. As with all things, some wisdom, some sort of intelligent view is necessary. But, next time you hear that voice within you saying “ this is enough! don’t go any further or I will be in pain” you might want to consider Pema Chödrön's words of leaning into the discomfort to see what happens next. You may find, like I did, that you rather have your “ego’s ego” bruised, and not lose the connection with what is happening. You might just find transformation beyond that painful spot.


stay connected,

Geertje