“ I can guarantee you that whenever you are suffering it’s because of what you are saying to yourself and believing what you are saying to yourself. I can say that with great confidence.”

I wrote down this quote by Pema Chodron years ago. I stumbled upon it and noticed the statement’s power. You don’t often hear a Buddhist say “I guarantee” and “with great confidence” in (almost) the same sentence. So this week, I put Pema’s statement to the test.

And not surprisingly, it rang very true. I tried to look into my mind whenever I suffered, and without exception (!) this was when I was telling myself some kind of storyline about why my life was so inadequate. I acted like an advocate building up a case in courtroom, carefully summing up all the evidence for being such a miserable loser. If there was a self-pity competition, I could win an award.

Now, like all ego-centered emotions, self pity takes a lot of maintenance. We have to build up our case over and over again, to keep our storyline going. And it’s puzzling why we put in so much energy in something that only makes us suffer. Because, Lord knows, it is painful to lock yourself up in a story on why your life sucks. So why do we? Are we that sado-masochistic?

From my experience I think that it has to do with a lack of confidence in our direct, naked experience.  The miraculous thing is –and I challenge you to test this yourself- that in your direct experience (a.k.a. the ‘here and now’) there is no reason for depression. Strangely, miraculously, the present moment is free of suffering. It is maybe sad or clear or lonely or loud, but it is free of suffering. It is an open, fundamentally okay place. It transcends good or bad, happy or sad. It cuts through complaint and ego. Direct experience, in other words, is a different ball game. It’s a sacred world within this world, always available and deeply, profoundly, trustworthy.

What keeps us from abiding in this direct experience are our deeply rooted mental habits. The trouble is that they feel so safe. We know them. Do you know the moments when you just wake up and there is just this open space. Then you remember -somewhere in the back of your mind or gut- that there was something, something going on that put your life in a frame of reference? And then, snap, within seconds you remember the reasons why you should feel miserable (“how could you forget that you just lost your love” or “you were in this terrible fight yesterday, remember” or “that person screwed me so bad”) and it is like a tape that is put on ‘play’ again. Although it makes us feel miserable, it gives us some strange kind of familiarity, “oh, yes, that was what’s going on” which gives us the feeling that we can now start our (miserable) day. 

So the challenge is clear. First, test Pema’s words and see what makes you suffer. It you, like me, find that this is indeed because of what you are saying to yourself (and believing it), then try to just drop the storyline. Just once in a while, for Pete’s sake; drop it. It feels unnatural and awkward maybe, but remember that this is just because we are not used to experiencing what is our birthright: a state of being that is naturally open, clear and unfathomably vast like the sky.  It’s just a leap away. And I can say that with great confidence, too.

Last week, I had the opportunity to be with a loved one and her family while they experienced the death of their mother and wife. It was an incredibly sad but also very courageous and natural process, and it confronted me, not surprisingly, with death.

All kinds of things speed up, reach a zenith and settle when death is in our faces. My friend was able to put aside pain and resentment she felt towards her mother and her family, and replaced it with nothing but love and a tender feeling of sadness and closure. This probably wouldn’t have happened, or at least not so quickly, otherwise.

This is what death teaches us, the ones granted a few more years; that life is precious and it is short. Death will come and it will come sooner than we think. It puts yesterday’s frustration about our traffic jam into perspective.

With impermanence as their ‘religion’, Buddhists are very aware of the clock that is ticking away, bringing us closer and closer to the moment of our death. It is often said in Buddhist traditions that if we were aware of the preciousness of our human life, we would practice (meditation is this sense, but replace this with being awake, loving, painting, dancing, enjoying if it resonates with you) as if our hair was on fire! And interesting article on time running out and the possibility of awakening that that reality brings can be found here

Another traditional Buddhist way to awaken to our life, not just in the face of death but continuously, is called ‘the four reminders’. These are, as the name suggests, four reminders of things we tend to forget too easily. I have translated them freely; (you can find more traditional interpretations here)

1.    The preciousness of our human life.
Being alive, having senses to connect and touch this utterly mystical experience we call life is amazing. To be able to love and be loved, to care, to cry and to laugh, to dance and to breathe is incredibly precious.

2.    The reality of death and impermanence.
Death is real. Nothing lasts. Although we live like we don’t have any deadlines; we do. Big time. Our bodies will die, we will be forgotten and fade away.

3.    Karma: the law of cause and effect.
Every act, thought, intention you generate sets something else in motion, it leaves a trace. There is no time off from natural laws. As Einstein’s definition of insanity goes; keep on doing the same thing and expecting different results. So prepare to reap what you sow.

4.    The uselessness of samsara.
Spending your life trying to avoid pain and hold on to pleasure will not work and only results in suffering.  This is a hard one maybe, but really, the “Me-plan” as Sakyong Mipham calls it just doesn’t work. It’s like bringing water to the sea.

Remind yourself of these facts of life before you are forced to, and they will make your life more meaningful and more able to be of service to those around you.

Honestly, I’ve never been big on the “everything happens for a reason” vibe. Lately however, I’m surprised how life just can seem to make sense. Or, from a more scholarly perspective; how we as humans are able to put sense into our lives. Either way you look at it; life can be a meaningful experience.

It takes some effort though, from our part. We can’t just sit around, waiting for our lives to make sense. We cannot turn it into a project either, however. There’s an art to living life in a way that is meaningful. From what I’ve learned, this art has nothing to do with getting what you want and it has everything to do with being willing to just show up  for your life. In a way it’s easy, if you can let go of the whole B.S. phase.

The person that is willing to show up, to be available for the nature of reality as it is, not as we want it to be, lives the deepest and most rich life because they include everything and not just half of their experience (the desired). When we are somehow able to move our focus beyond the investments of our ego, and into the open, wild field of our boundless spirits, we discover a strength that continuously amazes me. This is the process of transformation; moving from a narrow to a bigger perspective.
 
One of my dearest friends left a voicemail today telling me she having ‘growing pains’, but was doing very well in the big perspective. I loved the way she put that, because make no mistake about it; if you are on any path that has heart, that will transform you to someone so much  juicier than you ever imagined, you will have growing pains accordingly.

But here’s the thing. Don’t get stuck on the growing pains. If you connect with what’s behind them, be it freedom, healing, transformation, all the Really Good Stuff, they will not go away but they will be put into perspective. The stretch marks on your heart only beautify it.

What was said to the rose that made it open

was said to me here in my chest.

So lately I wondered, what wàs said to the rose that made it open? This beginning of one of my favourite Rumi* poems always had a certain sweet and inspiring taste to me. More recently, this taste has shifted to a rawer, richer flavor that forced me to reframe the process of opening.

If roses are anything like human beings, opening up can actually be immensely painful and terrifying. We usually see so much beauty in a flower unfolding itself, but how about the unfolding of our own hearts?

As the poem indicates, something was said to the rose, some sort of input form outside of itself that made it open. In the human case, this input usually involves a teacher. As we all know, teachers come in many, many shapes. Maybe the only influence us budding flowers can have on our teaching schedule is to prepare ourselves for this fact so that our mind is open enough to recognize a teacher even though they look like the complete opposite.

I realized this when I met my last teacher. It was nothing like the gentle unfolding of soft petals that you see all around in spring that caused my heart to open. What was said by this teacher touched upon all my fears, shattered all ground beneath me and utterly broke my heart.  A teacher can be someone who breaks you, but if it’s done from a place of love and to some extent, wisdom, we really can only be grateful since it frees us from our most claustrophobic prison: ourselves.

If we as students allow ourselves to feel the pain of our teachings but not get hooked by it, what lies before us is a life as a rose in bloom. Although that’s a temporary life, and we know that by the time of the next fall we will shed our petals and again return to the earth, we not only open to life but become part of it.

*Rumi is a 13th century Sufi mystic

After the addiction comes the detox. In last week’s blog, I talked about addictions, our ‘urge to’, the physical and mental loops that we feed when the raw, naked stuff is just too uncomfortable. Addictions take the shape of habits, mental chatter, or on its most manifested level, a physical or mental urge to keep doing something over and over, to ‘go somewhere’ over and over. Usually while knowing better.

Every now and then we build up the courage to break our addictions. But do we go from being completely stuck to being completely unstuck, as Pema Chodron calls it, overnight? Of course not. We go cold turkey, we detox. I have come to see it like this: when you are feeding your addictive pattern, it’s like building a highway in your neurologic system, in your heart-brain. Karma, baby.

First we were speeding on this highway ourselves like the Fast and the Furious, now we have to pull over and see who else is driving there. Then, the shit really hits the fan since we see that all our neurosis, all our fears, and every insecurity we have ever experienced, are racing on our precious highway. Ignoring or denying its existence doesn’t help and only makes it worse. To the extent that we are willing to pull over and stand still on our neurotic highway, it will become less dangerous.
 
Although we will still feel that ‘urge to’ do this/feel that/think that/go there, by standing in de middle of our crazy highway, we build up the confidence and courage to not need a fix, to not seek resolution. Because, to end with Pema Chodron’s* words:

“ We don’t deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that. We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity.”

 Tell it like it is, Pema!

(*I know, it’s increasingly turning into a Pema fanclub here, I can’t help that the woman is so brilliant)

(I was bold enough to copy part of the blog I just entered in my profile here, since it's about the beginning of spring.)

“ On a day, when the wind is perfect
the sail just needs to open
and love begins.
Today is such a day.”

I hear yogini Shiva Rea say on one of her CD’s… I realized that today really is since not only love begins, but spring has too. This year the official start of spring was connected with the ‘real’ days of spring here in Holland, which means that we have enjoyed several succulent sun filled days already, which I enjoy thoroughly!

And I’m not the only one, of course. In a slightly sun starved Holland, you can feel the entire energy of a nation change when the first rays of warmth hit our face. Our moods are less depressed, more uplifted. It reminds me of the fact that the sun, in so many traditions is such a strong spiritual element. In my meditation tradition for example, we speak of the vision of the Great Eastern Sun. It’s great because it’s fundamental, primordial, eastern because it is always rising and it’s sun because it’s warm, its clarifying, it’s inclusive.

The significance of this Great Eastern Sun is that it’s a mindset. It’s a mindset of knowing and trusting that the sun can come up every time, that in every situation there is the potential for illumination. It’s the opposite of a small setting sun mentality, a scarcity mentality of things going down, running out, a “grasping what you can while you still can” kind of thing.
 
These first days of spring are naturally filled with the Great Eastern Sun mentality. That is probably why we all love them so much. It’s a way of God saying that there can always be sunny days, rays of light peeking through darkness all of a sudden. There is always that potential for a rising sun, for no apparent reason, even. We can use days like these to remind us that in the climate of our mind there is that same potential for a sunny mood, for the vision of the Great Eastern Sun to break through whatever is going on. No matter how dark and cold the winters in our mind get, there is always that possibility of the sun and it’s warmth coming through, over and over again.

Wishing you a lovely spring!

“ On a day, when the wind is perfect
the sail just needs to open
and love begins.
Today is such a day.”

I hear yogini Shiva Rea say on one of her CD’s… I realized that today really is such a day. Not only love begins, but spring has too. This year the official start of spring was connected with the ‘real’ days of spring here in Holland, which means that we have enjoyed several succulent sun filled days already, which I enjoy thoroughly!

And I’m not the only one, of course. In a slightly sun starved Holland, you can feel the entire energy of a nation change when the first rays of warmth hit our face. Our moods are less depressed, more uplifted. It reminds me of the fact that the sun, in so many traditions is such a strong spiritual element. In my meditation tradition for example, we speak of the vision of the Great Eastern Sun. It’s great because it’s fundamental, primordial, eastern because it is always rising and it’s sun because it’s warm, its clarifying, it’s inclusive.

The significance of this Great Eastern Sun is that it’s a mindset. It’s a mindset of knowing and trusting that the sun can come up every time, that in every situation there is the potential for illumination. It’s the opposite of a small setting sun mentality, a scarcity mentality of things going down, running out, a “grasping what you can while you still can” kind of thing.
 
These first days of spring are naturally filled with the Great Eastern Sun mentality. That is probably why we all love them so much. It’s a way of God saying that there can always be sunny days, rays of light peeking through darkness all of a sudden. There is always that potential for a rising sun, for no apparent reason, even. We can use days like these to remind us that in the climate of our mind there is that same potential for a sunny mood, for the vision of the Great Eastern Sun to break through whatever is going on. No matter how dark and cold the winters in our mind get, there is always that possibility of the sun and it’s warmth coming through, over and over again.

Wishing you a lovely spring!

At one of Holland’s busiest traffic points, near Rotterdam, a billboard is put up with three simple words: GOD IS LOVE. This proclamation stands out between the other high tech and highly commercial billboards surrounding it. I find the big black letters on a simple white surface such a pleasure to drive by. It’s so lovely and odd in its own way.

Every time I am moved by its simple, almost childish message. It seems to cut through most of the things I’m speeding by most of the times I’m on the highway, and most of the times in life to be honest. It’s unusual in Holland to see words like ‘love’ and ‘god’ in such a public, even commercial way. Especially the combination of both is rare, sadly enough.

It then never fails to surprise me why we don’t have more spiritual and loving affirmations in public places. It’s such an easy thing to do! There are always empty places, or how about reserving  5 percent of all the marketing space for collective positive affirmations! Imagine seeing a bus dry by that says: ‘You are good and whole’. Or a TV commercial proclaiming that life is precious –without having a brand or a product pushing through. Just some sunshine for our collective consciousness. I am convinced that crime rates would drop, traffic jams would diminish and people would smile more often. 
 
So I think the “God is Love’ billboard is a good start. What makes me even love it more is that it turns out that the company that rents out the billboard doesn’t know who designed and paid for it! And it’s been there for months now, so somebody is really on the same page with me! I love the thought of somebody out there keeping this uplifting secret. I hope to see, and put out more positive affirmations into the world!

Have a lovely week!
Geertje

“ …whatever occurs can be regarded as the path and…all things, not just some things, are workable.”

This is a typical teaching by Pema Chödrön, who I have some to see as one of the most authentic spiritual teachers of this time. Her advice is almost always the same; don’t push away your experience. Anything that happens is the source of wisdom. Lean into discomfort.

This all sounds very nice, but what happens when you actually experience discomfort, in the form of pain, fear or doubt. The last thing that’s on your mind by that time is leaning into that jukky stuff. Yet somehow, that place of discomfort, of uncertainty, of unknown territory, is the place of true transformation. However, ‘this is not something they teach you in high school’, as my dear friend Lauren once famously spoke.

Take for example our ideas on setting boundaries. We are very convinced that we should ‘protect ourselves’ and ‘set and keep our boundaries’. It almost seems ridiculous to challenge these ideas, but lately I have been in a situation that tore up all my ideas on ‘protecting myself’. I crossed borders within myself that I never imagined possible, and it was an extremely painful experience. I didn’t watch or respect my boundaries whatsoever.

Then the strangest thing happened. While I thought something within me was damaged beyond repair –which is what we think will happen when we cross our boundaries- to my surprised I noticed that I was fine! Not only was I just fine, I was as whole as ever. This made me realize that a lot of the boundaries we set up for ourselves are connected with our habitual patterns, our convictions, our World According To Me, also known as ego.

Our ego bleeds when we do things we never imaged we would accept. This is a painful experience, yes, but as Pema Chödrön reminds us, as much a part of the path as everything else. I have learned that what hurts us even more that letting our boundaries be crossed, is disconnecting, form ourselves and others. Having set boundaries is a way of separating yourself from others, which I personally find a great source of suffering. The strange thing I found out was that as long as you stay connected, there really is nothing that will hurt anything beyond ego.

I realize that this is a rather unconventional view. I do not want to imply that we all have to be without boundaries and let anything happen to us –since it’s only ego hurting. As with all things, some wisdom, some sort of intelligent view is necessary. But, next time you hear that voice within you saying “ this is enough! don’t go any further or I will be in pain” you might want to consider Pema Chödrön's words of leaning into the discomfort to see what happens next. You may find, like I did, that you rather have your “ego’s ego” bruised, and not lose the connection with what is happening. You might just find transformation beyond that painful spot.


stay connected,

Geertje

I was laughing out loud yesterday in my car while listening to a dharma talk by one of my favourite Buddhist teachers, Sakyong Mipham, talking about the question he is asked regularly: "So tell me: does this meditation thing really work?"

"No, it doesn't." He replied. "What do you think I'm going to say? Tibetans are very practical people, so they spend 25 years in freezing caves only to come out and say, `'nope. doesn't work!"" It would be an odd job description of a Buddhist teacher like Sakyong Mipham to -in his own words- learn people something that is extremely boring, time consuming, painful even -"which by the way, doesn't work." :D

I recognise this hesitation around meditation. It is even daunting for myself sometimes to believe that I'm doing something essential while sitting on my cushion. Maybe it's because the actual looks of someone sitting in a crossed legged meditation is deceiving. It all looks so unreal, so boring, so simple and peaceful at best. What we tend to forget is that there is more activity that you can imagine going on inside. The meditator is looking at her mind, becoming aware of all the stuff there. It is the warriors discipline.

I have come to think of meditation as part of my personal hygiene, not as something 'spiritual' I do. In fact, it's probably one of the most earthy and grounded routines I have. Like I don't forget to brush my teeth, I don't forget to meditate because otherwise I will feel the plaque in my mind whole day.

Which isn't to say that I'm a perfect meditator, who rises peacefully out of my meditation practice and then goes on planting seeds of peace in the world. Hell no. But, it does give me some space to consciously orient my mind towards the things I want to cultivate. It's very simple. Do I want to cultivate speed or contentment today? Will I strenghten the ability to appreciate my life or will I tighten my mind in ball around "getting what I want"? Do I want live my life awake or asleep? To me, the answer is simple.

Love,

Geertje